The Diehl Family
I wasn't sure how to phrase this blogpost - Anna is my best friend and my heart still breaks their for loss...what a strange word...loss. I don't think my words can do this session justice, so I asked Anna to write in her own words.
"Pregnancy after loss. It’s hard to put into words the pain, the fear, the hope. I tried to detach myself for so long so that if “it” happened again it might hurt less. After all, wouldn’t it have been easier if we didn’t find out their gender, didn’t name them, didn’t fall in love with them? The truth is, I loved them as soon as I saw the second line on the pregnancy test and it was no different this time. I spent half of this pregnancy withdrawn from the world, a giant ball of anxiety in my stomach. I tried to wrap myself in a bubble. I moved as little as humanly possible. I wouldn’t go in a pool. I could not afford to do anything that I did last time. I held my breath until we reached 24 weeks; random some would say, but in the loss community very well known as “viability day”. This is when I started to breathe again. Feeling baby Benjamin moving inside of me has been such a gift. It has restored a piece of my heart. We recently “celebrated” Noah and Nathan’s first birthday. They are not with us, but they have taught us. Terrible things happen. We survived. We yelled. We grieved. We fell down the deepest pit. And we climbed out together, as a family. Children shouldn’t have to lose their siblings. Children shouldn’t have to question whether this baby will come home with us. But ours do. But they also think of their brothers, say their names, cry for them. If there’s anything I wish people understood, it’s that the scar of their loss is permanent. It won’t be erased by Benny. It won’t be erased by time. Their loss is a defining point of our lives. It has fundamentally changed us. We will miss them forever. We will love them forever. As I write this, at 36 weeks and 3 days, I am huge and uncomfortable and so incredibly grateful. I cannot wait to hold this sweet, little guy in my arms. And I cannot wait for our family to be complete when we become a family of eight, even if you can’t see two of us."
Q&A with Mama to be:
1. Did you have reservations about doing this maternity session?
Absolutely! I felt like anything I did to celebrate this pregnancy would jinx it somehow.
2. What finally prompted you to go forward with the session? Are you happy you did?
I had to wait until we were at a gestation where if something happened, I knew we at least had a chance. Plus some gentle nudging. I am so happy we did. It was a very cathartic experience and I felt such a weight lifted by being able to mourn the twins and celebrate Benny at the same time.
3. What advice do you have for moms struggling with the decision of going through with sessions after a loss?
Do whatever you’re comfortable with. Nobody is on YOUR journey except for you. Do what you need to heal.
4. Having been your first ''real'' maternity session - was it what you expected??
It’s a lot of work! I went in to it very open minded because I trust you 500% and that was perfect. The session and photos exceeded my expectations and I was able to relinquish control and just be there in the moment.
Are you looking for a Chicago IL baby milestone/family photographer? I would love to work with you! I offer a fun and unique experience in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago in Wheeling, IL. I also service surrounding areas, including, Buffalo Grove, Deerfield, Northbrook, Vernon Hills, Mount Prospect, Mundelein, Lincolnshire, Libertyville, Glenview, Des Plaines, and other surrounding Chicago suburbs. To book your session, use this form.